Why I Game

  Imagine this; you're creeping slowly and silently through the brush, unseen by your enemy.  You crouch at the edge, peering out as she creeps ever closer, butchering  minions, unaware of the true danger that lurks as she steps ever closer.  Your ears twitch, your legs bunch, and, in a soundless surge, you launch yourself from the thicket at your hapless opponent.  She only has time to turn away, another arrow not even yet drawn to her bow, as you dash around her, eliminating her in mere milliseconds.  Your team cheers from the battlefield, and they group up around you to make the final push against the villains that dare stand against you.
     Can you feel that?  That thrill racing through you at the thought of you, standing victorious, your enemies laid at your feet?
     Worldwide, we are putting literally billions of hours in to gaming.  As of January last year, Riot Games stated that 27 million people logged in daily to play their multiplayer online battle arena game League of Legends, which is my game of choice.  I can say honestly that I log in nearly every day to play at least one match, if not more.  I follow League of Legend's eSports avidly, and hope one day to work side by side this community of gamers that I so respect and admire.
     There's nothing more satisfying than having an in depth conversation with someone about something you're passionate about, and for me, there's nothing more exciting than the world of LoL eSports.  Last year at the world finals, 40,000 fans sold out Seoul's World Cup Stadium, and millions watched online as Samsung White took on Star Horn Royal Club for the Summoner's Cup and the right to claim the title of World Champions.  There were clutch escapes, battles for vision, and massively cinematic battles across the whole of Summoner's Rift.
     I feel like a common misconception of gamers and people who socialize online is that they are incapable of socializing in the 'real world,' and thus they resort to the virtual world.  In reality, however, there are so many people interacting virtually now that it's hardly the ragtag group of social misfits that so many people seem to believe.
     I game and socialize online because I enjoy my interactions in game (for the most part).  It's not that I can't or won't talk to people normally, but I find it so much more satisfying to connect with people that I know definitively share an interest with me.
     I game because in the virtual world, no one judges me by the standards of reality, but by the standards of the game and the competition as our teams clash on the Rift.
     It's not just League of Legends, though; it's all video games.  I can travel across time and space, into alternate realities.  I get to be the hero and the villain; the warrior victorious and the damsel in distress.  I can battle an oncoming horde, face off with dragons, lead armies, or steal the ancient relic from the enemy stronghold.
     I spend time online, not because I don't want to live my life or associate with people, but because I want to live many lives, and connect with people worldwide that share my passions.

Mercurial

  Oftentimes, it's hard for me to explain myself to others.  I am so complex, even to myself.  Most of the time, I am two completely opposing forces of nature; the immobile rock and the raging hurricane, the predator and the prey, the hero and the villain.  And it's not as though I'm one thing at a given time.  I am all things in the universe at once, my brain going every, single, possible direction simultaneously as I struggle to contain, to leash, to cage the bits that I know should never be let out to play.
  I am the Valkyrie; the bright and shining warrior goddess.
  I am the Trickster; the sneaking, mischievous miscreant with a quick wit and a sly smirk.
  I am the Seductress; the slinking, red-clad siren that can stun with a sidelong glance and a crooked finger.
  I am everything that I ever was, am, and ever shall be.  I have the capacity for so much greatness, and so much darkness, in me as one.  Sometimes I feel it will tear me apart, and sometimes I think I see so much more in this beautiful, terrible world for it.

Introspection

     I took a walk today, down into the shadowed woods, and along the dark, cold stream. The sky was a dreary gray, and the puffy, low-hanging clouds promised rain at any time.  I came to the edge of a tranquil pond, and I saw her, there across the water.
     My heart ached, she was so beautiful. I took a hesitant step toward her as she took an aggressive step toward me, and we froze, studying one another.
     She was everything I hoped to be, and I couldn't tear my eyes away.  She radiated powerful grace, feral beauty, and untamed spirit. She cared not what the world thought of her, only what thoughts she had of the world, for what else could matter?
     She was confident, decisive, and so absolutely free, how could I not covet what she had?
     She studied me as I studied her, and I could but wonder what she thought she saw.
     The first rain drops began to fall, and I lost sight of her as the ripples spread across the once still water, but... I was her, and she was me... and together, we were beautiful.

Warrior

  I used to be like you, once... Did you know that?  Slithering about in the ocean of shadows and sorrow; clawing at everything with all the rest?  I swam in the muck and I drifted in ignominy and indifference, trying so hard to be like all the rest.
It was so damn hard for me to be like you.  Do you know how hard I had to work to be like all the rest? To covet what they did? To abase myself and crawl, all the while watching it all with a sort of detached disinterest?  I struggled each day to find a reason to continue, and each day, I found none. How could I?
Then one day, I dragged myself out of that shadowed sea of darkness, pulling myself up on to the shore, dripping the filth from my body... caught in a penumbra between worlds... I was so tired.  The sun dried my wings though, and I fanned them curiously. They were bright, shining things that I'd not noticed before, caught in shadow.
Free from the darkness, I examined myself in the reflection of a pool of clear water, looked in to my heart, and what I found startled me.  I was a Valkyrie; a warrior goddess, and I had been all along.  I had allowed them to drag me down, to strip me of my power, and in my despair, I found myself unworthy of the world.
Now, I realized a shocking truth: I was more than worthy, and I would crawl and scrape no more. I was a Goddess, a valiant warrior, and I would no longer be pulled down in to shadow.
My light is so bright; look for me, and you will find me... I am here.  All you need do is reach out to me.  I will sear the darkness from your soul, and you will know peace and joy in my presence, and in your own.  For you, you are so gloriously beautiful, too.

What it is to love you

     I find it hard to tell you, in words whispered softly, how much you mean to me.  I can't say the words 'I love you,' and feel that those three little words make up for all the things that they mean when I say them.

     Your terrible, lovable puns when someone says something that you can't possibly let pass by... The way your eyes sparkle mischievously as you poke fun at something stupid I just said... The way you sometimes pounce to hug me just for the sake of it... All these things make me love you more.

     The profile of your face as you concentrate fiercely on whatever it is that you're doing... The fact that you'd rather listen to books than read them... The fact that you love nothing more than to spend your free time with me, just being together... These things endear you closer to my heart each day.

     The way you look at me and your eyes darken and I know that whatever you're thinking is about to be spoken, each word shivering me to the core, turning me to putty before e'er you lay a finger upon my body and thrilling every single part of me... The way you render me speechless with the softest caress; all thought flees from my mind, save that there is only you... All this sears you indelibly in to my soul. 

     I love all of you, inside and out... You are so beautiful to me; you shine like the brightest beacon in the darkest night, lighting up the shadowed parts of my soul.  You know my demons intimately, and yet you still choose to hold my hand.  I could never love you more than I do right now, and yet I love you more each day for things that don't even make sense to me.  

     You are my everything, you look at me and my world is whole... I could never imagine taking another step in this life without you by my side

Darkness & Light

I have heard it said softly,
we fear the unknown;
The shadows, the darkness,
the silence alone...

They say it's not our darkness we fear,
but our light...
But how can I fear darkness
embraced by the night?